Friday Favorites - Buzz Cuts, Deck Days, and a Tiny (possibly dead) Turtle.

So apparently there's a lot of people interested in my lady bits.

Or their lady bits. Or just lady bits in general.

And with good reason, I might add (well, not for those interested in my lady bits. That's troubling and we need to have a talk). 

But Wednesday the little blurb I wrote directing people to my In The Powder Room post  where I was asking the honest question of how you ladies keep your cookie clean quickly became my third most hit post — in about 12 hours. 

That tells me something. 

We all need to meet up for a little show & tell. 

Nah, that might be extreme, but what it did definitely did tell me is that we're all curious as to what's going on with each down under. I mean, we're girls, we totally wannna compare notes! It's really no different than sharing lipgloss tips (Boots No. 7 from Target - love) or what the best method is for cleaning your granite countertops (water, some rubbing alcohol and a few drops of dish detergent in a spray bottle). 

And I'll be honest, I was not expecting the flood of comments describing in great detail how you ladies actually trim the hedges (or your husband's), but I have to admit it helped make my results graph much more accurate. So thank you. 

And FYI — the military cut was the winner. 

Moving on. 

Spring has finally sprung here in Minneapolis, and while that is favorite enough for me, I've got a few more things to add to today's list. And they all have to do with one thing —

1. My deck.

If you're ever looking for me during the month of May and until about mid-June (when either too many bugs like to join me or I've escaped to the lake), it's a good bet I'm out on my deck.

Our backyard is totally wooded, with a wetland at the far back, and in the early spring it's not only a lime green vision with hundreds of trees budding, but an absolutely gorgeous (and loud) symphony of birds, frogs, ducks and geese who provide lovely background atmosphere throughout the day....and night. (I'm not going to mention the truck noise from the street abut 1/4 mile away because I try to ignore it, and because it's not my favorite.) 

I start my days with coffee and my laptop in my favorite wicker chair -

Eat my lunch and (more often than I admit to anyone) take a mid-day nap in the very same chair, and end every day chatting with husband for a few hours while grilling dinner and enjoying a glass of wine. 

Or three. 

Flowers getting placed for planting this weekend.
Leaves starting to bud on the trees (a month late).
We earned this. 

It's not a fancy deck by any stretch of the imagination, but by the end of May when all the leaves are fully in we are completely secluded back here and feel like we're in the middle of the woods. Which okay, I guess we kind of are, but all the houses that surround us completely disappear and other than the occasional splash from the neighbor's pool or the bass thumping from their teenage boy's poolside speaker (the one I keep threatening to go over and throw into the pool), the only music is made by the feathered residents. And the frogs. Who aren't feathered. I don't think. 

When I'm home, it's my favorite place to be, no question. 

2. Time to plant the flowers!

Definitely a favorite springtime activity...until mid-August when I'm totally sick of watering them and they're all overgrown and I pretty much let them die.

(Sounds like one more thing I'm OVER, doesn't it?)

But yesterday? Yesterday was flower buying day....

A small sampling

And tomorrow is flower planting day! (Favorite 2a.) 

Just one more reason I love spending time on my deck. 

2. Archer Farms frozen edamame -

Okay, I know I'm late to the edamame craze, but my sister-in-law introduced me to the little green pockets of soy goodness over spring break and I.Am.Addicted. Seriously, we eat a bag about 5 nights a week. Is there such a thing as a soy addiction? Soy overdose? SA meetings? 

Target (of course) sells this frozen bag that you can toss right in the microwave -

$1.99 - can't beat it. 

I toss with just enough sea-salt to make my lips swell and then we gnaw away like little rabbits.  

Don't worry...the salad is coming up next...

What does edamame have to do with my deck, you ask? 

Keep reading...

3. Grilled chicken salads (see above) - 

One of our favorite and frequent dinners to make when we're out on the deck is a variation on the grilled chicken salad.

Basically, we grill a couple of chicken breasts and then have the option of:

• Asian Sesame - w/ Sesame dressing, red peppers, green onions, dried cranberries, sesame seeds and wonton strips.

• Caesar - w/ Caesar dressing, parmesan and giant croutons.

• Buffalo - w/ lettuce tossed in Ranch, chicken tossed in Buffalo sauce and celery. 

• Mexican - w/ salsa/ranch dressing, black beans, avocados, tomatoes, green peppers, cheese and tortilla strips (my FAVE). 

• Chef - w/ dressing of your choice, and a ton of other crap that is in danger of rotting in the veggie drawer. 

This week I found Panera dressings at (where else) Target, and may have freaked out. 

Do you have Panera where you live? If not, it's like Paradise Bakery (for you AZ folk). 

Love.Their.Salads.

Last night we had Asian Sesame Salad (pictured above w/ the edamame):

Grill chicken breasts. Slice. 

Toss lettuce, thinly sliced red peppers, dried cranberries or cherries and a small amount of sliced green onions with dressing.

Arrange sliced chicken on top.

Drizzle with a little more dressing.

Add more green onions on top (which is why you want to go easy on them in the "toss" stage).

Add sesame seeds.

Top with crispy wonton strips &/or slivered almonds. 

*Serve with edamame (obviously). 

If you want some more easy summer dinner ideas, check out my summer dinners Pinterest board. 

It's a work in progress, so I'd love to hear some of your easy summer dinner ideas in the comments section below! 

4. Tiny Turtles!

Making a last minute addition to the list this week doesn't have anything to do with my deck.

But would you look at this teeny tiny turtle I almost ran over (literally - with my feet) yesterday when I was out — you guessed it — running (or attempting to in between taking pictures of tiny turtles)? 

Could you die? 

It's possible it actually had as it wasn't moving at all, but it was still super cute.

So that's gonna be a wrap today, my lovely ones.

It's raining worms and frogs outside and so I think I'm gonna pour a cup of coffee, sit on the couch with the windows open and two unfolded loads of laundry by my side...and read a magazine. Duh. 

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If you're looking for me today, I'm In The Powder Room.

Yesterday it was 97° here in Minneapolis.
I'm serious.
You may remember that we had 10" of snow on May 2.
This can only mean one thing, you guys.
Al Gore is an idiot? No. Well, yes, maybe, but that's beside the point.
What it means that we ladies have to do some serious and speedy grooming if we don't want to be confused with a Yeti in the next week or two.
Sure, the legs are easy. No real decisions to be made.
But girlfriends, I've got some vital questions for you concerning the um.....hidden area, the hideaway hollow, the hibernating hoo-ha — and I'm asking them all today in my debut post over at the hilarious site In The Powder Room.  Check it out - HERE!  And please, help a girl out and leave a comment/response at the site. I've got a whole bar graph set up and ready to go.

Oh, and btw, if you're one of the awesome dudes who read this blog? Don't even be shocked or grossed out. You know it's a necessity and it matters. And hey, you should try it once in awhile yourself. You might be surprised at the feedback.

Click this box if you like pie. 

Over It (again*).

If you have kids over the age of three, you know that May is a crazy month that is over-scheduled and jam packed with end of school luncheons, recitals, concerts, banquets, awards presentations, field days and picnics. If your kids are in high school, you can throw the stress of trying to find the time to study for finals in the mix — which, unfortunately, the whole family feels. 

It’s all more than a little exhausting and stressful, and as the years go on, increasingly painful. 

Since my older daughter is 17 and started preschool when she was three, I’ve survived 14 Mays like this.  I remember her very first preschool luncheon and music performance like it was yesterday. I remember what she was wearing; I remember the songs she sang; I remember the construction paper placemat she made for me and I remember how thrilled and proud I was. I was every bit as excited as she was. I recorded every second of it with my giant video camera hoisted on my shoulder and had to wipe a few tears away as I watched her stand up there with her other tiny classmates who were trying their hardest to remember the words and hand motions to all the songs (which, of course, they didn’t). It was adorable. 

Until about third grade.

Then it all became more than a little bit excruciating.

I blame the recorder.

I've survived two children going through the recorder unit in music class and the culminating concert.
The fact that that was about the time I started drinking martinis is purely coincidental, I'm sure. 

But regardless of what is to blame,  the end of year concerts and programs and banquets lose more than a little bit of their luster and excitement as the years progress. And by “lose a little bit of their luster and excitement” I mean they become downright painful to endure. If you have kids over the age of about nine, you know what I’m talking about. If you have kids under the age of seven, I’m sorry to have to break it to you, but you are about to step out of the Magic Kingdom into Anaheim (if you've ever been to Disneyland, that will make a lot of sense). 

Here's an example.

Last week my 12 year old had her sixth grade choir concert. 

If you ever want to see 100 middle school kids who could not look more bored or bothered, just go to their middle school choir concert. Thankfully, my daughter loves to sing, even with 90 others who clearly do not, so it wasn't too terrible having to endure the 30 min. program. Plus, watching the expressions — or lack of — on the majority of those kids' faces was far more entertaining than trying to hear them sing. And listen, if 90% of the 6th graders don't give a damn about their performance, I don't feel bad about not wanting to be there. And before you think that's terrible, the 12 year old totally agrees with me. Unfortunately, the apathy of a group of disinterested sixth graders can rub off on the ones who aren't and be a real bummer. 

So in the middle of the show, my 17 year old looked over at me (and my lack of any recording device whatsoever) and whispered, "Didn't you video every one of my middle school choir concerts?"

Me: Absolutely! Took pictures too!

17yo: Why?

Me: No idea.  

It's true. We have hours of video footage of  Thing 1's elementary school music programs, soccer practices, dance rehearsals and yes, even middle school choir concerts — which we’ve never watched and know we never will (birthdays and Christmases make much more exciting home movie viewing). But by the time Thing 2 was in third grade, I gave up (again, pretty sure it was the recorder concert that pushed me over the edge). I could barely keep myself from self-mutilation for the hour+ of "Hot Cross Buns" and "When The Saints Go Marching In", much less try to focus on trying to get a decent shot of my daughter in the sea of 120 others. Plus, the camera cards were all still loaded with all the footage from Thing 1's concerts so there wasn't any room. 

Don't get me wrong, the things that they're passionate about; the things they love — and that as a result are the things I do too — like the musicals and plays? Of course I still get ridiculously excited and just about burst with pride while I'm watching — and recording. 

It's all the other unnecessary crap that I'm over.  

It’s like a lot of the other aspects of parenting that we've all lived through:

•Age 2: You can’t believe how grown up your little one is to be eating Goldfish all by herself and immediately run to Target and buy the little fishie shaped snack containers and jumbo box, but six weeks later when your car floor and sofa are covered with an inch of orange crumbs, you’re over it.

•Age 2-3: The first time your child uses the potty you break into the Hallelujah Chorus, but a month later when you’re spending most of your time at Target or the mall in the restroom holding her squirmy little butt over the yellow and brown speckled toilet seat, you’re over it. 

•Age 3: The first time your toddler learns how to blow into a kazoo correctly, you applaud and think they’re gifted, but a week later when they’re marching around your bed blowing “Jingle Bells” over and over and over at 6 a.m., you’re over it.

•Age 4: You get as excited about the first Barbie doll or Lego set you buy for your child as s/he does, but by the 50th, you’re over it. 

•Age 7: You find it adorable to quiz your child on their spelling lists or flashcards when they’re in first grade, but by the time they’re in middle school and you’re supposed to quiz them on math problems even you don’t understand, you’re over it. 

You understand. 

So I guess the question is, are we bad parents for dreading the concerts and banquets and field trips and end of year field days where we stand for five hours in the 90° heat trying (in vain) to tie 300 god damned water balloons? And is it a crime to admit to being over it? 

I hope not. 

I, for one, find honesty in parenting to be refreshing. It's the parents who don't complain who worry me. 

Because I promise you this —the parent who is smiling and tapping her foot at the third grade recorder concert? 

Drunk as a skunk.

*Oh, and by the way, this post is titled "Over It (again)" because last night I remembered I'd already written a post called "Over It" back in March. You can read it HERE.

Apparently, I'm 'over' a lot. 

So now it's your turn. What are you 'over'? 

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Friday Favorites - Reading Rainbow Edition.

You guys, I'm having a mild anxiety attack. 

I'm at the dentist.

Sure, I may just be sitting in the waiting room while Thing 1 is getting her teeth cleaned, but if you remember how I feel about the dentist it won't be surprising to tell you that my heart rate is as high as Wiz Khalifa on a Tuesday. Or a Wednesday. 

I'm trying to distract myself by writing, but there's a lady sitting on the sofa across from me telling the old man she's sitting next to - very loudly and in great detail - all about her parents’ dementia and Alzheimer's  and how they don't even recognize each other anymore. He’s 80 and voicing concern about his health and what's going to happen to his 120 slot machines when he dies, which he’s pretty sure is going to happen soon. So now I'm not only in the middle of a panic attack, I'm depressed as hell. 

Lets talk Favorites. Maybe that'll take my mind off it.

The first favorite from this past week is an easy one - Thing 2’s birthday. 
My little Thing turned 12. Twelve. I must've blinked. 
Honestly, time needs to take a Xanax and slow down. And even she's been feeling the sands slipping through the hourglass lately. Despite all her excited anticipation for her birthday, she was pretty glum on her last night as an 11 year old. When I asked her what was going on she sighed and said, 
“I'm just starting to see it all flash before my eyes.”

“See what flash before your eyes?”

Sigh. “My childhood.”

Before you chuckle (or maybe I didn't stop you in time) you need to know she wasn't trying to be funny or dramatic. That's just a typical thought for her. 

But she got over her depression by morning and had "the best birthday ever", thanks to a great day at school, a couple of hours of laser tag (where she and my husband annihilated me and Thing 1 repeatedly) and  a fun evening at home with presents and a 3-layer cake which I almost forgot to bake. 

I don't think there's anyone on earth that loves her birthday more than she does, even me. 


Favorites two through seven are all packaged together today.
Raise your hand if you remember this show?

Keep it up if after watching this gif you're now singing the song.

"Take a look! It's in a book! A Reading Rainboooowww!"

And now I totally have to add it to the Favorites List.  

So, correction.  

Favorites three through eight are all packaged together today. 

Here's a short list of my "read again" books. The books I've read three or four times but will happily read again if a year or so has passed. 

If you're a reader, no judging allowed.

You can have your turn to share your favorites in the comments.

If you're not a reader, stick around.

You might turn into one if you read one of these books.

How To Kill A Rockstar by Tiffanie DeBartolo

Don't let the title fool you. It isn't a book that teaches you how to stalk Jagger and then get taken away to the pokey. It's fiction. There is a rockstar in it. And a girl. But it's not at all a sappy chick-lit love story (which I'm not a fan of). It's absolutely absorbing. Plus, there's an ending that gives me goosebumps every time I read it. 

God-Shaped Hole by Tiffanie DeBartolo

I know. Same author. And it's a crime that these are the only two books she's written (that are worth reading). This one will kill you. You'll know how it's going to end from the very first page, but I bet you 36 bucks that you'll still be devastated. And pissed. 

Books that make you feel. I like 'em. 

Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld

I really liked this peek into life in a shmancy American prep school through a middle-class girl's eyes. It's fiction, but I bet the things that go on there are pretty dead on. And they'll make you squirm (not in a good way). 

Another great one by Curtis Sittenfeld is American Wife, or the unauthorized biography of Laura Bush.

The Dive From Clausen's Pier by Ann Packer

What would you do if your fiancee dove off a pier into a reservoir and broke his neck, paralyzing him from the shoulders down for the rest of his life? How would you feel if the weeks even before the accident you'd been having second thoughts about marrying him? 

Yeah. That. 

Plan B by Jonathan Tropper

I love all Jonathan Tropper's books. Nick Hornby's too. But this one is one I've reread a handful of times over the years, and while it doesn't have the most intellectual plot line, it's just really well written and funny. Here's the nutshell — Group of friends since college. Ten years later, one has become a mega movie star and starts going all Lohan. Other four need to step in and save him from his destruction — so they kidnap him, obviously. 

Awesome.

The Middle Place by Kelly Corrigan

Words cannot describe my love for this little book. I've read parts of it so many times it's starting to just open up on its own. This is the true account of one young mother's battle with breast cancer, while at the exact same time her beloved father is battling a cancer of his own. You'll cry (of course), you'll laugh (a LOT), you'll want to be her best friend and you'll fall head over heels in love with her father. Please read this book. There are countless passages that are so beautifully written and that I promise will make you pause and really think. And that's always a sign of a good book.

Now, because you are some of my very favorite people, I've made it super easy for you to read any of these six books! Just click the book and you'll be magically transported to Amazon, the world's biggest Target! 

This weekend I'm going to start reading Reconstructing Amelia by Kimberly McCreight. Despite there not being any thriller/suspense books up on that list, I really do love them.  It's new, but has anyone read it yet? 

Now it's your turn!

What are some of your "read again" favorites?

Clicking this box will eliminate all calories from any cupcake you ever eat again. 

Hot Hollywood Hell - When Hollywood Goes Punk (or attempts to).

The ladies of Hollywood got punked out at the annual Met Gala the other night in NYC. 

And by "punked out" I mean they didn't.

Or they tried to by globbing on the eyeliner, changing their hair color and (as usual) showing plenty of side-boob.  

Because nothing says "punk" like side-boob, apparently.

So for this installment of Hot Hollywood Hell, let's take a look at what defines "punk couture" for Hollywood's biggest fashonistas. But I've gotta tell you, after looking at all the photos I'm seriously questioning that distinction, as well as where the hell they all actually were in the early 80's. 

Miley Cyrus

As much as I hate to admit it, this multiple Hot Hollywood Hell offender might have nailed the look better than anyone. 

Despite the fact that she looks like a teenager who attempted to go punk for Halloween, it worked. And in a shocking turn of events she actually covered up her boobs.  Who would've thought she'd be one of the only ones to not show side-boob? Wonder how much her stylist had to pay her to keep the liner in that dress?  

Now, if only she could learn to keep her tongue in her mouth when she's posing for photos. 

Anne Hathaway

Oh, please tell me she didn't dye her hair in a misguided attempt to look punk just for this event. 

*Googling furiously*

She did (thank you nymag). 

Good god, she did. 

I actually was liking this dress a lot — fits her to perfection — until I saw a close up shot.

Side-boob violater #1. 

And also? Not punk. 

No matter how much she paid for the Debbie Harry 'do. 

Madonna

I've said it before and now I'll say it again. 

Woman, you are fifty-four years old. 

For the love of god, stop trying to recreate your youth (and your popularity). 

I'd say lose the cobwebs coming from your upper thighs, but upon closer inspection I believe those to be ripped fishnets. 

Easy mistake to make. 

Nicole Richie

Her hair might be a different color, but this is the image that for some reason came to mind immediately when I saw her.

Not punk, just scary. 

SJP

Oh, sweetheart, you're making it too easy for me. 

Seriously, she looks like a circus pony. 

And not even a punk circus pony. 

Just a ridiculous one. 

I guess it's only fitting, then, that she came with a Ringmaster.

Taylor Swift

Rapunzel-Punk? Punk Barbie? 

Whatever look she was going for, I gotta say, crazy knows how to work a red carpet. 

Katie Holmes

Apparently thinking Charmin© is Punk. 

Upon closer inspection, the Charmin dress is actually stunning. And though not what I'd call "punk", her hair and makeup is gorge. 

However, because of her side-boob (armpit-boob?) violation, she loses 1 million points.

Kim Kardashian

She's either wearing Laura Ashley or she just ate her, I can't tell. 

Regardless — not punk, just ridiculous (as usual). 

Kirsten Dunst

I'm sorry. 

Who?

Seriously, when was the last time you heard that name? 2004? 

Go back to the B-list, sweetie, and take your side-boobs with you.

Gwyneth Paltrow

In a strange turn of events, The World's Most Beautiful Woman swings and misses.

1. Dress not punk.

2. Ponytail not punk.

3. Makeup not punk.

She's been given enough time this week though,  so moving on...

Jennifer Lawrence

Honestly, the girl can do no wrong. 

Proof?

Here she is at the premiere of The Great Gatsby last week—sans makeup.

By Hollywood's standards — shocking! Appalling! Unheard of!

By all the rest of our standards? 

A+. Most fantastic thing I've seen on a red carpet in a long time.  

Until I saw this. 

Seriously. 

Can I adopt her? 

Hot Hollywood Hell. 

Out. 

I'm going to listen to some Sex Pistols and try to erase these images from my mind. 

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